Seeing a solicitor about a divorce, that is.
During my first six months in the UK, it seemed like whenever I did anything ‘for the first time’, it was almost as though I had an anxiety attack and needed to go home and sleep afterwards. And I’m talking about simple things like buying stamps or a pair of shoes – all things that I’d done when I was a visitor to the UK!
I guess I’ve really settled in. I was only slightly nervous about seeing a solicitor. But, he put me at ease and made it all seem quite painless. He was younger than me (probably mid-30’s) and quite relaxed – wearing a suit, but the jacket was slung over a chair.
As he started to get different paperwork ready, we chatted a bit – mostly about me and why I would want to live in England! lol.
Then we got down to business. Financial details first. Maybe this is why I didn’t find it too scary – this is what I have to do with clients, so it was all very familiar. I had three months’ worth of pay slips and three months’ worth of bank statements, answered questions about all my stocks and bonds and expensive jewelry (none, of course) and discovered that I do qualify for legal aid. Meaning just about any work he does for me will be done free of charge to me. He’ll get paid for his work by the same organisation that pays my company for the work it does – it’s coming out of the public purse, in other words.
He pointed out that court costs might be a different matter. However, again, there is a form for me to fill out. I’ll still have to pay the fee, but based on my income, most or all of it may be refunded to me. I was aware of that in advance too.
Then we got down to the fun stuff – he had a nice questionnaire-type form from which to ask his questions. He started with the easy ones – or one, I should say – which was my address. Then he asked for D’s address, and that was nearly a show-stopper! The law clearly states that the respondent (that would be D) is to be served the petition at his place of residence. Hmmmm…he did lots of reading through statute books, and then a couple of other family law books that related to all kinds of problems with divorces and found something else about not knowing the respondent’s address. The court would need to be told and possibly the court’s permission would be needed to serve D at a different address (like his parents’ or his work). He asked me if I thought D’s parents would make sure D was advised that the papers were there for him. I said, yes, without a doubt.
He went to consult with someone more senior and came back and said that that would probably work. Whew. Still, if that had stopped things, I could see getting a message to D that if Frances Marie Campbell wants him all to herself, she’d better give him permission to hand out the address or she’d have to have that baby out of wedlock for sure if we’d have to wait two years!!
Anyway, the questionnaire continued with questions about where we work, how much we each make a year, when we met, how long we lived together before marriage, when we got married and then down to the nitty gritty.
As friend Taffney suggested, I had a timeline ready for this, so it went quite quickly. He wanted to know about when things went downhill, why I thought they’d gone downhill, did I suspect another woman right away, how I found out for sure about the other woman, did I know her name (I told him and he wrote it down), right up to me telling him what the messages on Facebook said. That’s when he told me, “this doesn’t sound like unreasonable behaviour (my heart sank!), it sounds like adultery!” I said there’s no admission of that by him or any real proof and he said ‘pity’. lol
I continued with my changing of D’s email password and how that came about and that I had three emails from her to him and what happened that day, that D was confused, hadn’t thought ahead as to how devastating this would be for all concerned (especially me), didn’t want to consider marriage counselling, etc. Of course, I had the three famous emails with me and he asked to see them. He gave them back to me, but just kind of shook his head – he thought her email address – tattoogirl69 – was interesting. I said I reckoned the 69 was the year she was born, he was thinking she had that many tattoos!
So, he understands about what happened after that with D finally telling me it’s over, then them getting the house, them going out together to celebrate, him spending the weekend at her mum’s. When I told him that D fell down the stairs on Friday the 13th and broke his arm, he tried not to laugh too much, wanted to know where I was standing when it happened and said ’sounds like he’s already getting his comeuppance’.
He asked me what I would do if D wanted back into the marriage. I hesitated. But then said ‘no chance’.
Wanted to know the date of our separation. I said I couldn’t date it – he hadn’t slept at the house in a week, but he moved his stuff out on the 1st, so he used that date.
He’s going to draft a petition for my approval, he said everything will be straightforward. He said we’ll talk about the ancillary stuff later – (ancillary meaning financials, pension, maintenance etc.) but based on the length of the relationship and the fact we’re both working means there won’t be much to do there. I had the original signed property division thingy that I drafted. He said ‘well done’ and asked for that as well.
He’s also going to write to D at his parents’ and ask D to give him a call. I’m not quite sure why though! I think he might try to get his address out of him, because it would be easier if he could be served where he lives. Or he might just want to tell him that it will all be simple and painless and inexpensive unless D decides to be a shit about it, or he might advise him that it would be a good idea for him to see a solicitor himself…don’t know, don’t care. It’s a load off.
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